Maybe today was the worse day so far. I cried pretty much all day. I miss you so much. I can't believe you have already been gone a whole week. Last week I hadn't even been away from you longer than a few hours and now I haven't seen that beautiful face for an entire week. It's killing me. I don't know why we were chosen to walk this path, but we were and I'm trying so hard to do it strong and brave. I've got to hold it together for your sweet brother. He needs a good mommy. So as much as I'd like to just lay in bed all day and cry because I miss you so much.... I can't. I do know you are ok. You aren't hurting. In fact, you are dancing and enjoying all of your time with Jesus. I'd much rather be hurting and feeling pain than for you to be hurting or feeling pain.
Today we laid around the house for a bit. We woke up so some really loud thunder. Were you bowling this morning? We took some of the flowers we got in honor of you to the ER, the Peds floor, and the OB floor. We wanted to thank everyone who helped you. The hospital has been so great to us. Then, we went and saw Dr. P. She filled out some paperwork so Daddy could take some extra time off with us. We had lunch with Auntie J. Headed to Fred Meyer for some store items. A friend made us dinner- spaghetti. Then, we went to Cashy's swim class. What a nice distraction. I'd just been thinking of you all day. It's so weird going places without you. I'd much rather be having to work around your schedule or not doing certain things because of your schedule than to not have you here. It's hard for me to remember you'd want me to be having fun. After swim, we had ice cream with lots of friends/family.
My heart aches so bad for you. My arms want to hold you so badly. I am struggling today. I wish more than ever you were here sleeping next to me. I can't wait to see you sunshine. I can't wait to see you.