Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Day 11

I know I say this everday... but 11 days seems like eons. I can't believe I haven't seen that sweet face in that long. My arms just ache to hold you. My milk is officially all gone. Which was so hard. Like my last piece of you.... What I wouldn't give to be nursing you... You were the best baby I'd ever seen. I'll always miss you. You will always be missing in our lives and our hearts. Today we went on a big hike with Nana and Papa. Cash did so good. Then, we came home and rode our bikes to Grandma and Grandpa's to drop off Cash. It feels so weird to be doing things we used to not be able to do with you... we know you would want us to be having fun, but it's so hard. I'd much rather you be here than be able to ride my bike. I remember the day you left us all to clear. I wish I didn't have to remember that day. I wish I could have changed our fate so much. I wish so many things. My heart is so broken for you, love. So broken. I just hate the feeling that I felt when I opened the door and heard your alarm. You looked so peaceful. Like you were sleeping. I had so much faith you would be okay. I wish no one had to go through this. It's so hard. So hard. We went to Nick and Kaleigh's and hung out on their beach. That was nice. Sort of like a vacation. We then came home and Carla, Hillary, and Lydia came over. Lydia is a little baby who is 6 weeks younger than you... it was hard to see her at first. But, I have to remember babies close to your age, are not you. It's not their fault. We don't have any reason why they got to keep their baby and we didn't. For some reason that we don't know, God wanted you back. Or wanted to teach us something... or wanted to teach someone else something... I don't know. I wish I did know. I can't wait to see you, baby. I can't wait. Finney said he heard you when they were praying and you were a big girl. I can't wait to see what you look like. Soon, baby. Soon.

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