Sunday, July 20, 2014

LJ is Admitted

Little Lila spent six total days in the hospital this month. We "celebrated" the 4th of July in the hospital. We missed out on Parker's Place (a camp for families who have lost a child), and we faced a lot
of fears. She was discharged just two days before Jovi's anniversary. Stressful? Very. But, did create a distraction even if it was a very bad distraction. 

Lila had been sick off and on for awhile with a lingering cough. I'd taken her in numerous times and she even was on antibiotics just 2 weeks before admit. LJ got really sick on Tuesday. Fever of 102. Lethargic. No appetite. Threw up once. I assumed that she had the barfs. I was prepared for a long night with a barfing kiddo. She slept all night. Woke up at 4 am with a 103 fever. She was sounding pretty junky and really lethargic. I was reading stuff online (good ole trust google) and really thought she could have pneumonia. All the signs were everything she had had recently... 
She was seen at peds office. We went for an X-ray and lab work. X-ray showed left lower lobe pneumonia. Labs came back looking ok but not bad/not great. Decided to admit her (I think started mainly because of our crappy history). 

By the time we got to the hospital, she wouldn't lift up her head and had a fever of 105. This was the scariest moment. She was so sick and I was so thankful to be where someone else could "save her". 
I didn't realize how scared I was until we finally came home. And I could finally process how crappy that week was and how terrified I was of losing her. After all, it seems much more probable for someone to die from pneumonia than  nothing at all. 

She was on oxygen and iv antibiotics. We slept together one bed which was sweet at first since we aren't a cosleeping family. But, as she slowly got better, it got harder to keep her entertained and to drift off to sleep. She ate her weight in crackers. Learned how to make the bed go up and down. Got numerous new toys (thank you everyone). Gave me forty kisses before falling asleep... She really did so well for being strapped down in a bed for so long. I was very proud of her. 

We were so blessed and had some great nurses. My good friend was one of our nurses for half of our stay. She's a Godsend. Really. And the other, was so funny and been on the peds floor for a very long time. I briefly knew her as well. We were so lucky to have them and our favorite pediatrician to help us (mainly me) through such a hard time and help LJ get better. 

She's continuing to do very well. And seems to feel much better. I'm praying she will be able to keep bugs away for awhile. She's such a joy. She's so happy and I'm so, SO thankful she's still here in my arms. 

Two Years

Jovi Sloan, 

How has it been two years since I've held
you? How has it been two years since I've snuggled you? How has it been two years since I've kissed your sweet cheeks or ran my fingers through your chimpanzee hair? 

It seems like yesterday that you were here and, at the same time, seems like eons that I've held you. I don't understand time and still struggle with the fact that time continues to move forward even though you are no longer here. 

I think of you so much during the day and I don't get how it's no longer "just yesterday" that you died. 

I will never forget you. 

I will continue to keep your name and memory alive in our home. 

I will forever strive to be better because of you. 

I will continue to dream of the day we are reunited and get to live together FOREVER as a family. 

I'm so blessed to be your mommy. You continue to inspire and change lives even though you don't even live on this earth. 

You. Are. Remarkable. 

You. Are. So. Loved. 

You. Are. So. Very. Missed. 

I love you all the way to Heaven and back. 


We went to visit you on your 2 years in Heaven date. Cash misses you so very much. He still talks about you. Lila has to have a connection with you. We have a picture of you that she can reach and she likes to carry you all over the house. 

Have I told you that you are missed and you are so loved?