Sunday, March 29, 2015

Baby, you are 3!

I can't believe 13 days have passed since your birthday and I haven't even wished you a happy birthday on your special page. I think what it is, lovey, is that life does get easier to live with a broken heart. I get used to life without you. But, it does get harder, too. It's harder not knowing who you'd be. It's harder not having a clue what you would look like. It's so hard not knowing how your voice would sound. Would you call me mama or Mom like your baby sister does? What would you have called Cash? What would you love? Just who would you be? And so as your birthdays approach and I get farther and farther away from you and who are and who you would be, I am more heartbroken. More cheated. Easier because I have accepted this life. Easier because this is my reality. Easier because I have had to let go of those dreams but harder because I don't know you. And that's... just so depressing. 

On a lighter note, your birthday was beautiful. We chose to celebrate with the world and ask everyone to do nice things for others in honor of you. It was overwhelming (in a wonderful way) to see the love. I could feel you through the amazing acts of kindess done all over the world in honor of you. It amazes me the light that you continue to shine even in heaven. It amazes me the impact you continue to leave. It amazes me how you can inspire such good. I was reminded there still is such good in this world that can be filled with such awful and depressing events. And you inspired all of that good. You are so good. I am so proud to be your mommy. Thank you to everyone who did something for my swer baby. You really made her birthday unforgettable. I wish more than anything I was making her a cake and sticking in three little candels... That is not real life for me and my family. "J is for Jovi" is the best way I can think to celebrate her life and pay tribute to the incredible joy she has brought my life. 

Jovi Sloan- I can't even begin to say how much you are missed. Every. Single. Day. I love you to Heaven and back. Happy 3rd birthday my little blue-eyed beauty. 

We filled the baby section with pink balloons.