Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Day 12- Memories

12 days... holy cow. Last night was a struggle. Today has been a struggle. I miss so many pieces of you. I miss your chimpanzee hair. Your hair was falling out all over. It'd stick straight up on top. It was like chimp hair- it was dark brown, but I had big hopes it would turn blonde. I loved it. I miss it. I miss your long chimpanzee arms. You had such long, skinny arms. They were so cute. I miss them. I miss your hands. You had long fingers. I miss them. I miss your long, round belly. Your belly button. I miss them. I miss your chubby thighs. You had three rolls on each leg. You were a pretty skinny little bean minus those darling rolls on your thighs. I miss them. I miss your cute feet and your sweet little toes. I'd just painted your toes red. It was so hard. I'd paint them again in a heartbeat. I miss them. I miss those pretty, blue eyes. They lit up when you smiled. They lit up when you saw your brother, your daddy, or me... I miss them so much. I miss your cute little nose. It was perfect. I miss it. I miss your eyebrows. They were light which gave me hope you'd be a blonde like me. I miss your eyelashes. They were also light brown. I miss your mouth. You had such sweet, little lips. Your smile was beautiful. What I wouldn't give to see it again. It was so sweet. It really did light up a room. I miss your smile so much. I miss your face. Those cheeks were so kissable. I miss kissing and snuggling your neck. I miss your voice. I loved how you'd tell me so many stories. Especially on your changing table. I miss that sweet sound so much. I miss your laugh. Oh, baby, your laugh was so sweet. The cutest little giggle. Ever. I miss it so much. I miss your bath time. You loved the bath. It was like a workout. Your arms and legs would just go crazy. No wonder you'd sleep so good after a bath. It was your nightly work out. You'd just look at me and kick and kick, and flail your arms all over the place. I miss that. I miss nursing you. I miss nursing you so much. I miss how you'd look up in my eyes and just stare at me. I'd miss how you'd take a break to smile at me then start eating again. I miss our power nursing sessions at night. You didn't like me to talk to anyone. We'd just snuggle in bed and you'd nurse. I'd watch a TV show or search the web. I couldn't talk though. It was the time of day that was our time. I miss our time. I miss you waking me up in the middle of the night. I'd get to nurse you back to sleep. I loved it. I never once was frustrated that you weren't sleeping through the night. I miss waking up at night to your sweet face. I miss how you hated the car. I'd do anything to have you scream in the car. I miss when your brother would patiently sing to you (Wheels on the Bus) or tell you, "It's ok"... then after many patient attempts to make you quiet... he'd just scream, "BE QUIET!". I miss your cry. It was so cute. It was very sad... you always got what you wanted when you cried. I miss your cry. I miss how you would cry when you were left alone in a room, but as soon as you saw a face, you'd stop crying. I miss that so much. I miss how you'd startle so easy. The littlest sound or even a peek-a-boo would send your arms out flailing. It was so cute. I miss that sooo much. I miss your bad barfs. You would have explosive barfs. Like upchuck your entire meal barfs. They were scary because sometimes you would have a hard time catching your breath, but I miss them none the less. I miss how you'd pretty much always leave me with some spit up on my shoulder. I miss how you were starting to drool all over. You were becoming a little slobber monster. I miss that. I miss how you used to high pitch breath. It was also a little scary, but I miss it so much.  I miss how when we'd give you lots of kisses on your cheeks, you were never very amused. You'd just sort of squint up your eyes and bear it for the kiss giver. I miss that face. I miss waking you up in the mornings. You'd usually have to be woken up because I had to work... or we had to go somewhere or I just missed you. I'd undo your swaddle wrap and you'd always stretch a bit, then smile. You were SO happy in the mornings. You were so smiley! In fact, if you woke up on your own you were usually grouchy and sad. But, if I woke you up, you were so sweet and happy. I miss those morning smiles and you kicking your legs on the changing table. I miss our mornings so much. I miss how you used to put one arm in the are in a fist. We'd always joke you were going to punch someone. I miss that so much. I am so afraid that someday I will forget your chimpanzee hair. Your cute arms and your chubby thighs. I have to write them down so I don't forget. I miss everything about you.

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