Saturday, August 4, 2012

Day 25

25 days feels like a trillion. It's been far too long since I've snuggled you.

Another rough morning. I did realize the sleeping medicine I was taking (Ambien) makes me feel disgusting and makes me have freaky dreams. So, I'm flying solo tonight. No sleeping pills for the first time in, well, 25 days. It's probably for the best. I missed you more than words could describe today. We went boating. All I could think of the entire time was how I wished you were there with us or that I couldn't even go because you couldn't go. I'd much rather stay home with you, baby. We, also, went to the Street Fair and Taste of CDA. It was so hard without you... passing all the girl headband booths and cute hats... last month I would have stopped and looked at them for you. It was so hard. I also wished I was worrying about you and about how I would have been freaked about you being in the sun. I wish I was... I wish is in my vocabulary a lot these days. To sum it all up, I wish you were here. Auntie Jo and Uncle Justin hung out with us tonight. It's so nice to have them over.

My heart is so broken. It's going to be broken forever. A piece of it will always be missing and will always hold a special spot for you. People say we are doing great. I just think I've realized I have give your brother the most fun and normal life that I can. He doesn't like to see me sad. Not to mention you really showed me to live life to the fullest. To love the most that I can... I don't want my life to waste away or our family to fall apart. It's been hard enough on all of us losing you... we can't lose anything else. I'm trying really hard to make the best of this super awful (words can't even begin to describe terrible) situation.

What are you doing right at this moment? Is there mountains in Heaven? I miss you more than anything... I love you, baby, to Heaven and back.

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