Monday, November 26, 2012

Past Few Days.

I just got a letter from SightLife. I received a letter from SightLife a few days ago and hadn't opened it. It was addressed to Daniel and wasn't a logo I recognized, so I just didn't open that piece of mail assuming it was junk mail. Today, we received another letter in the mail from SightLife. I thought it was interesting so I opened this one. "We are sorry you received a letter stating your loved one donated their corneas (essentially)... we can assure you your loved one did not donate... there was no opportunity to donate..." Thank you, SightLife for reminding me of all the opportunities I (we) missed out on in Jovi's life. Thank you, also, for saying she didn't even qualify to donate. You were right, that was a big mistake to send out those letters. I'm so thankful I hadn't opened the first which was basically "Happy holidays (why can't we say Merry Christmas anymore?) and thank you for your loved ones cornea donation.". I might have had a heart attack. I've been waiting patiently for the letter saying her heart valves were placed with a donor... never did I think I would have gotten a letter saying we donated other things... and I didn't know. I know mistakes are made, but even the apology letter was so sad. Merry Christmas to us.

Thanksgiving was an okay day. After all our festivities I did come home and have a good cry. We are missing out on so much. Our in-laws have a new baby. She doesn't remind me of Jovi. She doesn't look anything like her. She's starting to smile and coo... starting to do so much of what I really remember and love that Jovi did. She's not Jovi. She can be a constant reminder of what we don't have, though. She reminds me that I didn't get to feed Jovi on Thanksgiving or I didn't get to bounce her around when she was crying during games. She just reminds me of what I'm missing. I'm so very thankful she doesn't look like Jovi or that I really don't struggle holding her or seeing her. Sometimes (especially Thanksgiving) can remind me very much of what we are missing out on... but, we've gotta get used to it. She's going to be around for a long time. I am hoping that when she surpasses Jovi's age, she'll be doing so much less of what I ever saw Jovi do, so the reminders won't be so present.

Jovi- as each day passes, this doesn't ever get easier living without you. You will forever be missing our family. You will forever be thought about and wondered what ______ would be like if you were there. I, honestly,  cling to knowing I get to see you again. I think of you everyday. I think of how life would be with you here everyday. Do you remember how you hated sleeping in your bed for the first few weeks? You could only sleep in my (or Daddy's) arms. I loved every minute of snuggle and sleeping with you. I miss you more than words can say. I love you, sunshine, to Heaven and back.

"Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”
Luke 18: 15-17

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