Monday, September 17, 2012

I'll Never...

I try to stay away from the what could of been... to constantly remind myself Jovi wasn't meant to be here or that Jovi was never meant to live past 16 weeks. B0ut, it still is so hard. Sometimes I just have to mourn everything that I've now missed out on... I feel totally cheated out of her life.... out of having a sweet daughter. While I know Jovi is in the best place ever, I still so much wish she was here in my arms... so here goes what I'll never get to see/do with Jovi girl...

I'll never see you with a tooth.
I'll never see you eat real food.
I'll never see you sitting.
I'll never see you standing in your crib.
I'll never see your first step.
I'll never see you run.
I'll never hear your first word.
I'll never see you play at the park.
I'll never take you to your first day of kindergarten.
I'll never see you in a dance class.
I'll never see you play a sport.
I'll never take you to middle school.
I'll never have the mommy/daughter arguments.
I'll never see you drive.
I'll never see you go to prom.
I'll never witness your first date.
I'll never see you graduate.
I'll never see you go to college.
I'll never see you have a job.
I'll never see you walking down the aisle.
I'll never see your babies.
I'll never see you be a mommy.........

These are only a few of what I don't get to experience with you. I was just sitting here typing these out and wrote one that said "I'll never see you pray..." then realized that I do get to see you pray, I bet. I will get to see you worshipping Jesus. The biggest thing ever in life, loving God, I get to see you do. I will get to see you again. The thought of seeing you again is the only thing that keeps me going at times. I can't wait for your smiling face to greet me in Heaven. I can't wait to worship Jesus with you. I miss you so much. I went to the wedding I was worried about taking you to this weekend. Let me just say that I wish so much your smiling face was in the crowd as I walked down the aisle. I missed you being there. Our life will never move on from you. You will never be forgotten. We miss you so much it hurts. We love you, Jovi, to Heaven and back.

I love those cheeks. Sending lots of kisses to Heaven...

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