Saturday, January 12, 2013


You visited me in my dreams last night, Jovi. You had been lost and I was looking all over for you. I found you and you were so happy. I picked you up and you just put your little hands on my face and put your face close to mine and just had the biggest grin. You kept giving me sweet baby hugs like you were so happy I had found you. I could tell by your eyes and they way you acted, you knew exactly who I was and you were so glad I was finally there. You hadn't been crying and you didn't seem scared, just seemed so happy we were together again. I was more than happy. I just remember feeling so happy. I didn't have an ounce of sadness in me. My baby and I were back together. You were bigger. You could clap... oh and your laugh... it was the sweetest sound. We played and I just held you. I couldn't take my eyes off of you and I couldn't and wouldn't set you down for a second. I kept kissing your sweet cheeks over and over, you were just laughing and loving it. Then, it was over. I woke up and you were gone.

I wonder if this is how it will be in Heaven. You don't seem to realize I'm missing or you do and you aren't sad about it. Maybe every time someone comes into Heaven you hope it's your mommy. I know you aren't scared and I know you aren't craving to see me like I am you, but maybe you are waiting for me. Maybe you are watching and waiting so patiently for your mommy to return. Maybe you ask the angels "is my mommy here yet?". I know you are enjoying your time without me and I know Heaven is exponentially better than anything here on Earth. I know you are having a blast with Jesus but I never really thought you could be waiting for me to come. I can't wait for our reunion. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to hold you. I can't wait to hear your laugh. I can't wait to kiss your cheeks. I can't wait see your pretty eyes. I just simply can't wait. I can't wait for Heaven. I can't wait to meet Jesus. I can't wait to see Him. I can't wait to feel happy all the time. I can't wait never to feel sad again. I can't wait for everything not to be marked with a hint (and sometimes WAY more than a hint) of sadness. I can't wait for our family to be back together. I miss you so much. It was so great to see you and I loved every second of that dream. I have been thinking about you all day. I'm so glad I got to see you. But, it still makes me sad to wake up. To go back to living without you. Will you come visit me again soon? I love you so much, Jovi, to Heaven and back.

"I close my eyes and I see your face.
If home's where your heart is then I'm out of place.
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow.
I've never been more homesick than now."
MercyMe- Homesick

1 comment:

  1. What a wonderful dream that was! She wanted you to know how wonderful it will be when you get there one day. She misses you and I know you miss her too. I am glad she could play with you in your dream...I am still waiting for one of those...