Up

It's been so long since I've blogged. I have been having some good "up" weeks... after some terrible down weeks (maybe some of the worse in a long time), it's a nice change. I hate the down weeks... especially when I'm knocked down for weeks at a time. But, I've been feeling a lot better. We've, also, been really busy with swimming and soccer for Cash. Keeping us busy is always helpful. I had also been reading the Bible front to back and started in the old testament. It's pretty condemning and there were a few scriptures that were hard to read and swallow. That didn't help my already in-a-funk mood. I've been reading "Love Wins" by Rob Bell and am really enjoying the different take on God from the old testament. He really enforces love and how God is love. I needed that reminder... it's been a good read for me at a perfect time. Daniel has been reading books by Rob Bell and showed me another good thing he wrote about questioning God. He stated how it's okay to ask why or okay to ask God questions. Moses did... pretty much every time God asked him to do something, he questioned back. Jesus asked, "Why have you forsaken me?" on the cross... that really hit home and was freeing to hear. I feel like so many people after Jovi died, gave us that response of needing to "accept" it or just take what God gives us. It's freeing to know while I do have to live it, I can wonder why we have to live it. Or question why it happened to our family at all...

We've hit a lot of milestones in the last week. Jovi baby, you've been gone for ten whole months. It feels like a lifetime since I've held you... It still can feel surreal that you aren't here and have been gone now for so very long. We miss you more than we could ever say. I miss your sweet smiles, your precious hands, and your skinny lil' feet. It breaks my heart knowing our time with you was coming to an end this time last year... we only had six weeks left. How could I not have known... I hope you know how loved you are... and how entirely missed you are...

Mother's Day came and went. It had some tears, but wasn't super terrible. We stayed really busy and that helped. I woke up feeling sad that all my babies weren't here to celebrate, but the day got better as it went on. I survived. I made it through and I guess that stands for something. I was blessed to have Jovi in my arms last Mother's Day and many of my mommy friends who have lost babies didn't get one Mother's Day with their sweet babies, so I even felt a little bit blessed knowing I got to spend the day with her at all... It's crazy how you remember things. I even remember what she was wearing last Mother's Day...

Jovi Sloan- I miss you more than I can ever say. I miss your pretty blue eyes... your amazing smile... I miss how you'd talk and talk... I miss your sweet giggle (every part of me wishes I had a giggle on video)... I just miss having you hear. It's so hard to imagine what you'd be like now or who you would look like or what you would look like... I hate that I can't just know what you'd look like today, at 14 months. Happy 14th month birthday sweet girl. I know Heaven is more than amazing... I can't wait to see you... I can't wait to see you... I love you so much, baby, to Heaven and back.

Mother's Day 2012

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:20