I rarely blog about this sweet girl, but as I'm coming into the last trimester... I figure I should! She is very much a part of our story and a part of this new road we are headed down.
She's looking excellent so far. Healthy... moves and is pretty active. Not near as active as Jovi was, but still enough. There are days that I don't super remember I'm pregnant. My mind is so preoccupied with Jovi that I just don't really remember. But, then I have days that I'm so excited. I'm so excited to meet her and so excited to snuggle her. I'm so excited to just hold a living, breathing, crying baby of mine.
She hasn't came without fear. I'm constantly reminding myself that fear isn't from the Lord and to trust in the Lord with all my heart. Mostly, I do. But, I'd be lying if I said it didn't still creep in. Like today for example- we are in the middle of doing her room. It's basically done (thank you, hubby!) and today washed all the clothes we have and started putting them in drawers. I, almost, couldn't do it. I had a near panick attack and was suddenly terrified of putting all these things in drawers and then just having to put them all back in boxes because something happened to her. But, I realized that isn't going to happen. In Jesus name, this sweet Lila is going to live. So I finished. I put them all away in drawers... organized. It was a huge feat for me.
We redid the entire room. We made it over from Jovi's room to Lila's room and they look entirely different. I'm glad we did. As hard as it was to paint and cover up Jovi's room, in the end- it's nice and refreshing to have a new, fresh start. It's starting to look like a real room for a real baby. Making it even more real that we have a baby coming. I don't think much about bringing her home... I just make it through each day. At this point, just anticipating the day she arrives and I'm so looking forward to that day. But, I don't think much after that... I figure what's the point. We have no idea what to expect. There are things we have talked about... we know we will be so cautious. We know things will be different. We know there may not be a lot of sleeping. But, other than that, not much. We will deal with it when we get there.
Jovi Sloan- you will never be replaced by your sister.I have this calming feeling that you know that... I do wonder, often, how these new babies work. Have you met her? Did you get to meet her before she came down here? I can't wait to find out the answer to that. I know you would have been the best big sister... I know you will still be the best big sister even though you are in Heaven. Watching over her... I wonder often if she will look like you. Will she have those pretty blue eyes? Your sweet smile? Or your fabulous chimpanzee hair? Do you already know what she looks like? Know we will think of you always and still the same even when Lila comes. You'll always be our Jovi Sloan... I love you so much, to Heaven and back.
"For God did not give us the spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7