Thursday, April 11, 2013

9 LONG Months...

How has it been 9 entire months since I've seen your face? I feel like time has flown by the last few months and we've suddenly hit 9 months without you. I don't know how we've done it... How've we've continued on this long. I think about you every. single. day. And numerous times a day. It's crazy how you can be gone for what feels like so long but then I can remember life with you so clearly still... like it was yesterday. The missing never gets any easier... maybe it gets even worse as I get farther and farther away from having been with you. Life is still so different.

We had to celebrate our first holiday without you that we celebrated with you last year. Easter was so very sad. People kept reminding me it was such a hopeful day... which it definitely is. Jesus rose again... He came and died for us. The sacrifice God made means more to me now that it ever has before. How can you send your one and only Son for the sake of millions of others? Some of which will never get what a sacrifice you made... I can't even comprehend it... Anyways, it is a day of HOPE. But, I still struggled. The day was still hard. We took you an Easter basket to your grave. I didn't even get you one last year. I took your first basket to you and you are gone. It was so sad and so hard. I didn't get to dress you up like I did last year. Last year, you wore the most beautiful dress. It was the first time I took you to church and showed you off to everyone. This year, it felt like the breath was knocked out of me as I walked into church. Life is so much more different this year than last year. I didn't have my sweet girl with me. I didn't get to dress her up. I didn't get to show her off. You did get to celebrate in Heaven. I can't imagine the celebration... I'm sure it was incredible. Know I thought about you all day long. That you should have been toddling around during the Easter hunt collecting eggs... You should have been allowed to eat some candy... would it have been some of your first? You should have just been with our family. You, Jovi girl, were so very missed by so many.

I was reading in my devotional today that when suffering hits, God gives you the strength to get through. It hit the nail on the head to what I keep saying... we are only getting through because of God. He's came in and carried me when I couldn't walk. He's continued to never leave our side. He's continued to supply what we need. God has definitely given us the strength to keep going when it felt impossible. I'm so thankful... I could never have done this on my own. Ever.

Jovi girl- you are missed so much. I looked at all the Easter dresses in the store and thought of you. Wondering what one I would have picked... probably some super girly ruffly pink one... I miss you so much. So very much. Our family continues to talk about you and you continue to impact us even though you are in Heaven now. You continue to shine light in our lives. I talk about you all the time. And all the memories we were blessed to have with you. I love you SO much, little girl, to Heaven and back.

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened... and I will give you rest." 
Aaron Shust- Come to me

1 comment:

  1. Jovi was such a cute baby and i am sure he is in better place now. no one can ever fill that grief and the loss you have suffered but keep your trust in God and everything will be okay. sending lots of hugs.