It's night like tonight that I just miss you. I wish I could talk about you and how you had a runny nose or talk about how you were just doing this or have your daddy call and say you were being difficult while I was out with friends. I wish I could come home after a mom's night out and kiss your sweet face while you are sleeping in your crib... Ugh. I miss you so much. I'll always miss you. I do know we have another sweet girl coming and I will get some of the things back that I've lost or missed out on with you, but she will never replace you. I'll forever miss you and forever miss your face and forever wish you were here. That I could come home and kiss three kids goodnight instead of two... But that's not the case for me... I will just continue sending a million kisses and snuggles to Heaven and praying its someone's job up there to give them to you. There's just so many nights I wonder why us?
Your great-grandpa recently passed away. I can only imagine how excited you were to see a familiar face walk into Heaven. Were you one of the first to greet him? What have you guys been doing? There's something amazing about the fact that he was just here... I just told him I love him and touched him on Monday and by Wednesday, he was in Heaven. I was just with him and now he is with you. I hope he gave you a big hug from me and you were able to feel just a little bit of your mommy... that he took just a little bit of me to Heaven and you could feel me just a little bit. Having another family member die was hard. Is hard... I feel so much for my gma... for my uncle (he is my step-grandpa, but has always been my grandpa since before I was born). I know what they are going to go through... I know the nightmare that death brings. I know. So, I cried so much knowing that they have to do this, too. Then, I found myself crying because he got to go to Heaven. This statement makes many people cringe, and I rarely do say it because many think it's so morbid, but I think of Heaven, often, and I can't wait to get there. Are you kidding?! A life with Jesus?! A life free from the suffering on Earth?! Seeing and being with Jovi and the rest of my family... FOREVER!? Who wouldn't want to go? I felt jealous because he got to see her first... before me. And I cried for that, too. Please no one worry. I have a great life here. I have an amazing husband, a precious boy, and a sweet little baby girl who need me (and many more family and friends). I am not going anywhere or will not do anything, but I'd be lying if I didn't think about going to Heaven and think about the day I get to get there. The minute Jovi went to Heaven- a big part of me went, too. So, I'm just living here with part of me somewhere else... but someday I'll get to be whole again. And I can't wait for that. But, Jovi, I know you greeted Great-Gpa John with the sweetest hug and grin. I know he had to be happy to see you, too. Maybe he's showing you the campfire shuffle and teaching you how to whistle like the birds. It's just comforting to know that someone... someone you know and met on this earth is with you, now. I'm wondering how the service will be... same place and pastor as yours... I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I know I can do it and I'll be fine. I've gone to church there numerous times since you died and heard the pastor speak numerous times, so I'd imagine it can't be too terrible.
I miss you more than words could ever describe. I wish tonight I could just walk into your room, pick you up and rock you while you were sleeping. I love you, sunshine, to Heaven and back.