As we approach your birthday, I can't help but think about the excitement I felt this time three years ago. How I remember anticipating Valentine's Day because that meant you were coming soon after. How I would sit in your room and dream of you. How I went to bed every night thinking tonight would be my last night holding you in my belly and the morning would bring you into my arms. I remember feeling you move in my belly (my how you were active). I remember sitting in church one day and thinking how you were going to kick yourself out right in that moment. You were one strong girl.
I remember the day I was told you would come today. I remember the extreme joy (and nervousness) that I was going to meet my baby girl today. I remember walking the halls for hours and nurses constantly saying "no baby yet?". And I will never forget how you suddenly just decided now was the time and you were born faster than anyone expected. I remember seeing your face for the first time and I will never forget the immense measure of love I felt looking into your eyes for the very first time. It was as if I was meeting someone I'd always known and how suddenly you completed my world. How I never knew that I missed you, but in that moment, I realized you were what was missing. I remember holding you for what felt like hours and cherishing every second of feeling your new skin against mine.
These moments I have always been afraid of forgetting. But, how can I forget the day I meant the one my soul needed and the one who filled a hole I never even knew was missing.
As I approach your birthday this year, I will choose to remember these moments. I (will forever and always) wish you were here. And that I was looking into your sweet blue eyes on your birthday and getting to ask you what kind of big 3rd birthday you wanted- I will never forget these precious moments. 3... I can't believe it.
You are missed immeasurably. You will never be forgotten. Never replaced. My heart aches for you and will always long for you to be back with me. Thank you for all of our precious little moments. Thank you for all of your serious gazes and for all the times you would just gaze at me. Thank you for changing me. I miss you today more than yesterday.