Monday, July 29, 2013


I hate the statements we now get so often from people in stores...

"Oh wow... a girl and a boy... a perfect family."

Uh... if they only knew... We are far from perfect. I guess it just goes to show we never know what has happened in someone's life... someone may look at us and think we have it all... that we are so "perfect"... but little do they know, our daughter died. I've done this, too. Not in a statement to someone, but will think someone has it all only to learn they have suffered big, too. We are perfect in our own way... but not the way these people are seeing us.

"Oh lucky you. You got your girl."

This one was hard to swallow. I did have my girl. Then lost her. I was very blessed with another baby girl, but that one was hard not to say something. Jovi was my first girl. Jovi was my first daughter. I love Lila so very much; the love is the same for her as it is for Jovi. But, Jovi was my first girl. She should get that status...

I remember thinking that when we found out she was a girl... yay! Now I have a baby girl.

"Is this your first baby?" (In regards to Lila)
"No... third."
"Oh wow! How old are the the others?"
"How many kids do you have?"

I, also, hate these loaded questions. I hate it because sometimes I tear up telling complete strangers about Jovi. And, I feel bad for them when they ask an innocent question and get hit with a big answer. I have said three. And I have answered two. There are some I just can't say three... I need to work on that. I feel sick and guilty every time I leave Jovi out. But, somedays are just too hard. Somedays the people I vaguely know but will never see again... those ones are hard. The drug rep I used to see often at work... A random girl I went to school with... I usually always include her... but somedays are so hard already. I will get better. I want to always include her in our family because she is and FOREVER will be a part of us.

My sweet babies


  1. It's so hard to include them and so hard to leave them out. I hate hitting people with a whopper of an answer but I hate lying. I hate that it's possible to leave them out and I hate that including them isn't easy. I totally get this post.

  2. This has been on my mind a lot, too. Many people will look at our family & say - wow! three girls! couldn't figure out the boy thing, huh? And my heart just implodes as I try to choke out some sort of answer. OH! How I want them to SEE that we did have a boy! We DO have a boy! You just can't see him... :(
    I love the pictures of all THREE of your beautiful children.