Tuesday, October 14, 2014

When Your World is Rocked

This post has been weighing on my heart since a local mom was just diagnosed with cancer. My heart hurts for her and is heavy knowing vaguely how it feels. I can't relate on the diagnosis, but I know what it's like and how it feels when your entire world is turned upside down. And suddenly your life is not normal and it's terrifying. I remember all too well how it feels to feel like you are drowning and how your chest feels so heavy you can barely breathe. I remember wanting to so badly to wake up from that nightmare. 

I remember the terrible things people would say to me. Telling me Jovi was too perfect for this earth. Or that God needed another angel. I remember them telling me that everything happens for a reason or that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I remember being told God gives and God takes away. It was all so insensitive. And so rude. And so cold. And I can hear the people telling her these insanely insensitive things and I want to apologize for them. I want to hug her and tell her that God does love her. And that sometimes life is insanely shitty. And that sometimes it isn't God. That I don't think God gave her cancer. I heard on a show recently (Call the Midwife) in response to someone asking where God was in a tragic death and the response was so clear and so loving and so true. It's hit my heart and I can't stop thinking about how it made me feel so incredibly loved and answered my longing question as to where God was when Jovi died. God isn't in the event. God is in the response to the event. He's in the love and care shown after. This rings so true in me. I, often, say that I truly felt God's immense love on the day Jovi died. He was there and He gave me everyone I needed. He didn't take my baby. But, He made it as good as He could. 

I want to tell her how people will ignore her. And avoid her because they don't know what to say. How she will suddenly be ignored and be made to feel like she did something wrong. I remember getting the nerve to finally venture to the grocery store and how people would see me and literally go the other way. So unloving. So hurtful. Again. So cold. I want to remind her that people just don't know what to say. They will try but fail miserably. I tried so hard to have grace but it would get so hard hearing how Jovi's death was like when their dog, Oliver, died. 

But, I want to tell her that with all those who are cold and mean and unloving, they'll be more than she can count who will wrap her in love. Wrap her in prayer. Wrap her in gifts. In help with easing financial stress and to help her with her precious boy and bring her yummy food. The community she lives in is (mostly) incredible and she's going to be blown away and left speechless by the love. And I want to remind her that that is where God is. Because I remember the immense struggle where He was when my baby died. But, He was right there. He was wrapping me in love and I didn't even know. 

Please be praying for a special mommy tonight and her sweet family. For her friends and family. And, also, for wisdom
for all those around her. 

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